A Serbian Film Written by Srđan Spasojević and Aleksandar Radivojević. Directed by Srđan Spasojević. On DVD

   First, I want to say that writing a blog about this movie makes me a little uncomfortable. A Serbian Film is one of those films that when you talk about it, people are going to make assumptions about who you are as a person for even watching it. Having said that, this blog, and the way I feel about this film have no bearing on who I am as a person. My review of this movie is solely based on how the movie made me feel after watching it. If you read my blog, and decide to watch it for yourself, I would love to hear what you have to say.
   A Serbian Film is a movie about a former porn star in Serbia. The title character, Miloš, played by Srđan Todorović, is now a father and husband and living a life of family and reasonable quiet. He is soon approached by his brother, who introduces him to a man who wants Milos to come out of retirement and do one last porn film. After talking to his wife, and explaining to his young son what his daddy used to do for a living, he tentatively accepts the offer. More for the money that's being offered than for the love of doing pornography. Since he quit doing movies, Milos has become an alcoholic, and is seemingly depressed with the way his life has turned out. As he begins to work on the new film he soon realizes that the alcohol has taken a toll on his sexual virility. He attempts to quit drinking and regain the constitution that made him a porn star. I won't get into the films details, because I feel that the surprise is enough to keep you watching the movie. I will, on the other hand, say this...if you have a weak stomach, are easily offended, Hell, if you are liable to be offended by the worst things the world has to offer, this movie might not be for you. I have to admit, there were a few scenes in this film that made me very uncomfortable. I've seen it all. Blood, gore, sexual situations, racism, etc. None of these things make me uneasy. Yet, there were at least 3 or 4 times during this film that I felt sick to my stomach, and ashamed to be watching. View at your own risk, and if you do read this blog and decide to watch the movie, please don't blame me if you are disgusted.
  After watching A Serbian Film, and sitting in silence for almost a half an hour after the last credits, I had to do some research. I read a lot of interviews with the writers and director, and I was quickly informed that the film was made as a window into the state of Serbia itself. So, watching the film and later assessing it as a metaphor, I was a little less uneasy. Yes, the writers and directors cannot hide behind "this film is a metaphor," because there were scenes and ideas that were just amazingly disturbing. Yet, I can't help but think, "Serbia must be a sick and twisted, fucked up place to be," which is exactly what they were going for.

   Last, but certainly not least, this film garnered worldwide outrage. When it hit the film circuits, the Serbian state prosecution opened a case against the film for elements of crime against sexual morals and crime related to the protection of minors. The film was banned in Spain for "threatening sexual freedom." The film was shown at an adult only showing in Spain in 2010, and the festivals director was charged with exhibiting child pornography.  After two months of dvd release in Norway the film was banned because it violated laws in Norway pertaining to sexual representation of children and extreme violence. So, again, I say, view at your own risk. This is far and away the most disturbing, disgusting, and depraved movie I have ever sat through. Enjoy.

Excision Written and Directed by Richard Bates Jr. On DVD

 

   Excision is a film based on an 18 year old high school student named Pauline, played by AnnaLynne McCord of  90210 fame. She's a fairly normal teenage girl, other than the fact that she's completely delusional and has a strong fascination with blood. Pauline is an outcast, both at school and at home. Her younger sister, Grace, has cystic fibrosis, and is the perfect child in her mother's eyes. Pauline is in a constant battle for her place in the world, and often goes to great heights to achieve some sort of attention. The director made a conscious choice to make-under McCord, who for most of the movie has unbrushed hair, and extreme acne. The film also has cut scenes, where Pauline is dreaming about becoming a surgeon. Most of the dreams are twisted fantasies about her performing surgery while making out with two women, or climbing over dead bodies as she makes her way to a bathtub full of blood. It's interesting to watch Pauline grow more and more comfortable with her dreams. She becomes more self aware, and seemingly more confident in herself.

   The overall premise of the film is Pauline's inability to overcome her own delusions and the spiral it sends her through. There are some pretty intense sequences where Pauline's obsession with blood comes into play, and they make for very interesting viewing. I will only bring up one instance, because I don't want to ruin the entire movie for everyone. When Pauline in on her period, she decides to pull out her tampon and inspect it. The scene had me squirming, because I didn't know what she was going to do with it!
   The last 35 minutes of the film are the best part, so if you decide to watch, make sure you watch it all the way through. It's a movie worth watching, especially if you know someone who has a personality disorder, or severe delusions. The film, as a whole, is somewhat heartbreaking. Every one knows at least one Pauline in their time on this earth, and it's painful to watch her struggle so hard to just be normal. I will say this, at first I didn't want to see this movie because McCord was the lead character, and her acting abilities have never been her strong point. After watching her play Pauline, I have a new found respect for her as an actress. She dug deep to play this character and it really paid off. I hope you enjoy this film as much as I did.

Daybreakers. Written and Directed by Michael and Peter Spierig. In Theaters.

Oh Daybreakers, how I loved you so! Finally, a vampire movie where the undead actually suck peoples blood, rip out jugulars, and they don't sparkle like diamonds in sunlight. Yeah, that's a jab at Twilight (still the worst vampire movie ever made, as well as one the worst films of all time). Daybreakers was my 30th birthday present from my dad. I told him it was coming out on my birthday, and I wanted my wife, my sister, her boyfriend, and my dad to come with me to see a true vampire film. Honestly, if I had the money, I would have driven to the nearest middle school taken every tween girl out of class and taken them all to see this movie. Twilight is not the be all and end all of vampires. Hell, they're not even vampires at all. They are "vegetarian", they like to fly up trees, and they love to dance under the moonlight like some kind of horrible teen flick gone wrong! Daybreakers will show you vampires!

The basic premise of the film is a vampire virus has made the majority of the world undead. The movie begins with the vampire race running short on humans to feed on. Soon, the vampires will be out of blood and transform into "underdwellers", ugly human-bat like creatures that live under ground and eat anything and everything that moves. So, the main character, played by Ethan Hawke, happens to be a vampire scientist who no longer wants to be a vampire, yet works for the largest human harvesting company in the world. His job is to create a blood substitute that can be created in a lab, so everyone in the world can be a vampire without the threat of no more food. The movie is really about what happens when we use up all our resources. It's a look at where we as humans are going right now if we continue on the path we've been walking. Now, don't get me wrong, the movie does have a moral, but that doesn't make it boring at all. There is enough blood and gore to satisfy even me (which is saying a lot), and enough story and character development to satisfy those who like their movies to speak to them on a deeper level. I absolutely loved this movie! It was so nice to see a vampire latch onto someones neck and bite off a chunk of flesh. It's been too long! Plus, the movie has one of the most unexpected moments within the first 20 minutes. I'll just say this, if you go see this movie, when they bring in a vampire soldier to test the new blood substitute, get ready for one of the most awesome scenes of gore in quite some time.

Halloween II. Written and Directed by Rob Zombie. On dvd.

First, a comment to all you movie snobs, Rob Zombie's movies KICK ASS! Everything I heard, from pre-production to dvd release was how awful Halloween II was. Let me kill that negativity right off the top. I loved Halloween II! It had all the elements of a great slasher movie. Gore. Check. Profanity. Check. Sex. Check. Drugs and alcohol. Check. Creative kill scenes. Check. Okay, maybe the story line was a little weak, does that even matter? The first Nightmare on Elm Street wasn't going to win any Oscars for writing either! I believe all the negativity that surrounded this movie came from stuck up, romantic comedy loving, wouldn't know a good movie if it sat on their face, movie critics. From the first scene to the credits, I was in horror movie heaven. The true test, and the most accurate gauge of how good a horror movie is, happens to be my wife. In the past 8 years I have subjected her to some of the most gruesome, disgusting, and over the top horror movies ever made. Let me say this, she has taken it like a champ! So, when we sat down to watch Halloween II for the first time, I was intrigued by what my wife would have to say. After the final scene, while the credits began to roll, she turns to me and says, "within the first 15 minutes of that movie, I wanted to puke twice!" JACKPOT! Horror movie gold! If it makes my wife want to vomit, you can bet your ass I LOVED IT!

I'm not really going to get too in depth with the synopsis of the film. It's about a killer in a William Shatner mask who comes back to Illinois to kill his only surviving family member. Pretty self explanatory unless you've been living under a rock in the middle of Iraq for the past 30 years. Just know this...from House of a 1000 Corpses, Devils Rejects, Halloween, The Haunted Life of El Superbeasto, Rob Zombie has been making GREAT horror films. They are bleak, ultra-violent jaunts into a world of chaos and perversion, and as long as he keeps cranking them out, I will continue to shell out my hard earned money to see them. If you don't like Rob Zombie films, well, you are no friend of mine!

Drag Me to Hell Written and Directed by Sam Raimi

I was overly excited to see Sam Raimi's latest film in the horror genre. Being a huge fan of his earlier work, IE Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, I was expecting a humorous yet horror filled two hours. Instead what I got was a half rate, unfunny, overly dramatic piece of shit. Come on Sam, you can do better than that! The film, which tried too hard to be scary (unsuccessfully), and was too serious to be funny, left me bored after the first 15 minutes. The only thing scary about the movie was Allison Lohman's acting! It was horrific! And casting Justin Long as her uberserious psychologist boyfriend was the wrong choice. As I sit here writing this review, I am actually having a hard time deciding which part of this film I hated the most. Was it the lame story line? Eh, maybe. Was it the obvious plot twist? Could be. Maybe it was the "something has to land in Allison's mouth every five minutes" story line. Quite possibly. Not to mention the talking goat...vintage Raimi, but just plain stupid in the movies context. It pains me to bash Raimi's work, it really does, but on the other hand I spent 4 dollars to rent this movie which I could have spent on Taco Bell. At least Taco Bell would have stayed with me longer than this pile of a movie. And that's not saying much. Well, if you do plan on renting this movie at any time during your life, which I am vehemently arguing that you shouldn't, I am about to give away the ending. Not that it matters, since you'll have figured it out by the time the opening credits stop rolling. When Allison's character falls under the train and gets sucked into hell, I actually didn't care. Not a single ounce of compassion for her. She was the main character! A nice girl, with a good job, and a great boyfriend. You are supposed to care about the main character. Either you love them or hate them, depending on how the story was written. I couldn't have cared any less. She got dragged down to hell, end of story, at that point I had forgotten half the plot (which was awful anyhow), and was just begging for the movie to be over. Thank you Sam Raimi for one thing about this movie...it ended!

Trick 'r' Treat. Written and Directed by Michael Dougherty

Trick 'r' Treat, the elusive, rarely seen, but much talked about horror anthology is one of the first horror films that I followed from the first time I saw the preview (in early 2007), until the day it was released on DVD (October 6, 2009). When I first caught the preview on a movie I can't remember I was hooked. I waited for the announcement that it had arrived at my hometown theater. I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Just like everyone else in the world. After getting rave reviews from critics during early screenings, the movie was inexplicably dropped from the studio that was backing it. Rumors flew. Some said the movie was "terrible", others a "triumph", but no one knew what would become of Trick 'r' Treat. As I waited I heard every so called insider say it was going to be delayed and re-released under a new studio, but that day never came. Then, as if Heaven opened up and God smiled down on the world, a DVD release date was issued under Warner Premiere. And all the horror geeks rejoiced! Including me. Now, I have to be honest and say a friend of mine got me an advanced copy of the movie before it hit the shelves. I carried the DVD home as if it were a newborn child. I strapped it into its own seat belt, sang it sweet lullabies, and made sure it was as comfortable as it could be. When I walked through the door I ignored everything else around me and headed straight for the DVD player. In the movie went, and down my ass went.

Usually, when you want something so bad, and you have waited so long, it can turn out to be a major let down unless it is art of a type the world has never seen. Trick 'r' Treat was that art! It was worth the wait.

Trick 'r' Treat is numerous stories woven together seamlessly on a traditional Halloween night in a small town. Everyone has their secrets, some of them more than one. As it unfolds, we get to meet a murderous principal, a preschool killer, a group of "special" women, a bus driver who makes the wrong decision, kids with handicaps in the wrong place, a group of teenagers who take a prank too far, and one of the greatest horror characters of all-time, Sam. Each story is told in its own time, but all of the characters "bump" into each other at one point or another. Most films that try and weave separate stories into one coherent "main" story fall flat at some point. Not Trick 'r' Treat. Each story is as good as its predecessor, and as the movie progresses you will find yourself immersed in the characters lives and the lore of small town Halloween. I am not going to give any of the plot for this movie, because I love it so much. I want you all to not rent, but go out and BUY this film. Michael Dougherty is a small time writer/director that created one of the top five horror movies of the past 30 years. I have watched this film more than 10 times since I bought it on October 6Th. It is that good! Please, heed my advice, if you are a horror movie fan, or a fan of the Halloween holiday Trick 'r' Treat is a MUST see. Enjoy.

Dead Girl written by Trent Haaga. Directed by Marcel Sarmiento

Let me begin this blog by first expressing my total disgust with the so called "critic" that wrote a ball bashing article on this movie in Rue Morgue magazine. You sir are a douchebag, and know nothing about movies. That being said, I had been waiting for Dead Girl to make its way to my local video store for quite some time. I had been reading and reading, blogs, articles, websites, etc about this amazingly brutal movie that was touring the filmfest circuits. I waited with eager anticipation, until the day I finally drove down to Hastings, paid my 5 dollars and brought one of the greatest horror movies of the last decade into my home.

Dead Girl is the story of, you guessed it, a dead girl. Yet, it's not that cut and dry. The movie begins with a friendship between two high school boys. One, the typical outsider. He thinks he's a badass, but no one else seems to care. The second, your typical loner. He's got his eyes on the hottest girl in school, but he lost his chance to be with her when they were younger. So, he stares at her from across the quad, hoping that one day she'll see him staring, remember all the good times they had and coming running back to his waiting arms. They are polar opposites. One is the leader, the other the follower. One is a do-er, the other is a talker. So, when the badass decides he wants to ditch class and take a walk to the old psychiatric hospital, the loner has little complaint.

The story begins when the two boys find themselves trapped in the mental hospital trying to escape a rabid dog. As they try and outrun the mutt they fall deeper and deeper into the maze of corridors and locked doors. Until they come upon a door that seems to be the way out. Instead of leading them to the light of day, the rusted old door opens on a room used in apparent experiments. As the two look around the dark room, they stumble upon a naked girl chained to a gurney. Their first thought is she must be dead, but they are only half right. Here is where the movie becomes a masterpiece. It is the classic case of "what would you do?" On one side you have the badass who wants to use the girl for his demented sexual fantasies. On the other, is the loner whose conscience won't allow him to be a part of such a disgusting act. So, as the movie rolls, the badass becomes infatuated with the "dead girl." He begins to spend every waking moment in the torture chamber with her. He skips school, doesn't hang out with his friends, and soon begins to recruit others to partake of his prize. Not long after, the badass comes to the conclusion that the girl is "undead." He has shot her, broke her neck, and beat her to death, but she cannot die. Meanwhile the loners conscience has gotten the best of him. He begins to scheme about how he can set the girl free, and save his friend from the psychotic spiral he has traveled. Needless to say, his schemes backfire and the brutality escalates. The sex scenes are disturbing, the violence is unnerving, and the morality scale is swaying mightily. Without giving away the ending or the major turning point of the movie I will end my synopsis here. Let me just say this, the scene with the star quarterback in the bathroom is GREAT!

Now, back to my opening statement. This douchebag magazine critic bashed Dead Girl, claiming it to be "garbage parading as art." This movie was not only disturbing, disgusting, violent, gutwrenching, and brutal, but it was also brilliant. I have never sat down and watched a movie and felt more uncomfortable than when I watched Dead Girl. I kept asking myself "what would I do?" Honestly, I would have been more like the loner than the badass, but there were moments when I doubted my own morals. Not many movies can do that. Make you feel dirty for watching. Believe it or not, I actually stopped the movie as the end credits rolled, undressed and took a blazing hot shower. There is no need to explain further. Go rent Dead Girl.