Drag Me to Hell Written and Directed by Sam Raimi

I was overly excited to see Sam Raimi's latest film in the horror genre. Being a huge fan of his earlier work, IE Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, I was expecting a humorous yet horror filled two hours. Instead what I got was a half rate, unfunny, overly dramatic piece of shit. Come on Sam, you can do better than that! The film, which tried too hard to be scary (unsuccessfully), and was too serious to be funny, left me bored after the first 15 minutes. The only thing scary about the movie was Allison Lohman's acting! It was horrific! And casting Justin Long as her uberserious psychologist boyfriend was the wrong choice. As I sit here writing this review, I am actually having a hard time deciding which part of this film I hated the most. Was it the lame story line? Eh, maybe. Was it the obvious plot twist? Could be. Maybe it was the "something has to land in Allison's mouth every five minutes" story line. Quite possibly. Not to mention the talking goat...vintage Raimi, but just plain stupid in the movies context. It pains me to bash Raimi's work, it really does, but on the other hand I spent 4 dollars to rent this movie which I could have spent on Taco Bell. At least Taco Bell would have stayed with me longer than this pile of a movie. And that's not saying much. Well, if you do plan on renting this movie at any time during your life, which I am vehemently arguing that you shouldn't, I am about to give away the ending. Not that it matters, since you'll have figured it out by the time the opening credits stop rolling. When Allison's character falls under the train and gets sucked into hell, I actually didn't care. Not a single ounce of compassion for her. She was the main character! A nice girl, with a good job, and a great boyfriend. You are supposed to care about the main character. Either you love them or hate them, depending on how the story was written. I couldn't have cared any less. She got dragged down to hell, end of story, at that point I had forgotten half the plot (which was awful anyhow), and was just begging for the movie to be over. Thank you Sam Raimi for one thing about this movie...it ended!

Trick 'r' Treat. Written and Directed by Michael Dougherty

Trick 'r' Treat, the elusive, rarely seen, but much talked about horror anthology is one of the first horror films that I followed from the first time I saw the preview (in early 2007), until the day it was released on DVD (October 6, 2009). When I first caught the preview on a movie I can't remember I was hooked. I waited for the announcement that it had arrived at my hometown theater. I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Just like everyone else in the world. After getting rave reviews from critics during early screenings, the movie was inexplicably dropped from the studio that was backing it. Rumors flew. Some said the movie was "terrible", others a "triumph", but no one knew what would become of Trick 'r' Treat. As I waited I heard every so called insider say it was going to be delayed and re-released under a new studio, but that day never came. Then, as if Heaven opened up and God smiled down on the world, a DVD release date was issued under Warner Premiere. And all the horror geeks rejoiced! Including me. Now, I have to be honest and say a friend of mine got me an advanced copy of the movie before it hit the shelves. I carried the DVD home as if it were a newborn child. I strapped it into its own seat belt, sang it sweet lullabies, and made sure it was as comfortable as it could be. When I walked through the door I ignored everything else around me and headed straight for the DVD player. In the movie went, and down my ass went.

Usually, when you want something so bad, and you have waited so long, it can turn out to be a major let down unless it is art of a type the world has never seen. Trick 'r' Treat was that art! It was worth the wait.

Trick 'r' Treat is numerous stories woven together seamlessly on a traditional Halloween night in a small town. Everyone has their secrets, some of them more than one. As it unfolds, we get to meet a murderous principal, a preschool killer, a group of "special" women, a bus driver who makes the wrong decision, kids with handicaps in the wrong place, a group of teenagers who take a prank too far, and one of the greatest horror characters of all-time, Sam. Each story is told in its own time, but all of the characters "bump" into each other at one point or another. Most films that try and weave separate stories into one coherent "main" story fall flat at some point. Not Trick 'r' Treat. Each story is as good as its predecessor, and as the movie progresses you will find yourself immersed in the characters lives and the lore of small town Halloween. I am not going to give any of the plot for this movie, because I love it so much. I want you all to not rent, but go out and BUY this film. Michael Dougherty is a small time writer/director that created one of the top five horror movies of the past 30 years. I have watched this film more than 10 times since I bought it on October 6Th. It is that good! Please, heed my advice, if you are a horror movie fan, or a fan of the Halloween holiday Trick 'r' Treat is a MUST see. Enjoy.

Dead Girl written by Trent Haaga. Directed by Marcel Sarmiento

Let me begin this blog by first expressing my total disgust with the so called "critic" that wrote a ball bashing article on this movie in Rue Morgue magazine. You sir are a douchebag, and know nothing about movies. That being said, I had been waiting for Dead Girl to make its way to my local video store for quite some time. I had been reading and reading, blogs, articles, websites, etc about this amazingly brutal movie that was touring the filmfest circuits. I waited with eager anticipation, until the day I finally drove down to Hastings, paid my 5 dollars and brought one of the greatest horror movies of the last decade into my home.

Dead Girl is the story of, you guessed it, a dead girl. Yet, it's not that cut and dry. The movie begins with a friendship between two high school boys. One, the typical outsider. He thinks he's a badass, but no one else seems to care. The second, your typical loner. He's got his eyes on the hottest girl in school, but he lost his chance to be with her when they were younger. So, he stares at her from across the quad, hoping that one day she'll see him staring, remember all the good times they had and coming running back to his waiting arms. They are polar opposites. One is the leader, the other the follower. One is a do-er, the other is a talker. So, when the badass decides he wants to ditch class and take a walk to the old psychiatric hospital, the loner has little complaint.

The story begins when the two boys find themselves trapped in the mental hospital trying to escape a rabid dog. As they try and outrun the mutt they fall deeper and deeper into the maze of corridors and locked doors. Until they come upon a door that seems to be the way out. Instead of leading them to the light of day, the rusted old door opens on a room used in apparent experiments. As the two look around the dark room, they stumble upon a naked girl chained to a gurney. Their first thought is she must be dead, but they are only half right. Here is where the movie becomes a masterpiece. It is the classic case of "what would you do?" On one side you have the badass who wants to use the girl for his demented sexual fantasies. On the other, is the loner whose conscience won't allow him to be a part of such a disgusting act. So, as the movie rolls, the badass becomes infatuated with the "dead girl." He begins to spend every waking moment in the torture chamber with her. He skips school, doesn't hang out with his friends, and soon begins to recruit others to partake of his prize. Not long after, the badass comes to the conclusion that the girl is "undead." He has shot her, broke her neck, and beat her to death, but she cannot die. Meanwhile the loners conscience has gotten the best of him. He begins to scheme about how he can set the girl free, and save his friend from the psychotic spiral he has traveled. Needless to say, his schemes backfire and the brutality escalates. The sex scenes are disturbing, the violence is unnerving, and the morality scale is swaying mightily. Without giving away the ending or the major turning point of the movie I will end my synopsis here. Let me just say this, the scene with the star quarterback in the bathroom is GREAT!

Now, back to my opening statement. This douchebag magazine critic bashed Dead Girl, claiming it to be "garbage parading as art." This movie was not only disturbing, disgusting, violent, gutwrenching, and brutal, but it was also brilliant. I have never sat down and watched a movie and felt more uncomfortable than when I watched Dead Girl. I kept asking myself "what would I do?" Honestly, I would have been more like the loner than the badass, but there were moments when I doubted my own morals. Not many movies can do that. Make you feel dirty for watching. Believe it or not, I actually stopped the movie as the end credits rolled, undressed and took a blazing hot shower. There is no need to explain further. Go rent Dead Girl.

Zombieland. In theaters.

If you're like me, you've been fairly disappointed in all the recent zombie flicks to hit the big screen (or the small screen for that matter). How many times can you watch the same old thing? Disease hits a major city. People get sick. People die. People come back to life. People eat people. It's always the same, the zombies are in no way as intelligent as their human counterparts, and can often be left in the dust if their prey simply breaks into a jog. So, needless to say I have been waiting far too long for something different. I needed a zombie movie that I could sit through without saying "I've seen this. Nine hundred times before." Enter Zombieland. Billed as a Horror/Comedy, it doesn't shy from either genre. With enough gore to satisfy even the craziest gore hound, and enough comedy to keep most people laughing throughout, the movie rarely misses and opportunity to appease everyone.

Starring Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland), playing his normal neurotic teenage character, which he nails once again, Zombieland starts out with a bang. Columbus (Eisenberg) is our narrator starting the movie with his "rules about surviving Zombieland", which pop up throughout the movie and are more often than not followed by uproarious laughter. I, personally, was laughing within the first 3 minutes. This fete was enough to make me toss aside my "zombie skeptical goggles" and relax. The hilarity had only just begun. Soon Columbus meets up with the brightest star in the film, Woody Harrelson's character, Tallahassee. With a penchant for killing zombies in new and creative ways, and an unhealthy obsession with Twinkies, Harrelson steals every scene. I am not going to give away too much of the plot, I want everyone to go out and see this movie for themselves. I will tell you, Emma Stone (Superbad), who plays Wichita, is very very hot toting a shotgun and a bad attitude. And, the scene in which the characters find themselves spending the night in a Beverly Hills mansion is worth paying the ten dollars by itself. So, if you are a zombie movie lover, a zombie movie hater, a lover of all things comedic, or have no sense of humor whatsoever, Zombieland is the perfect movie for you. I was entertained from the opening scene to the ending credits, and when it was over I wanted to walk out to the lobby and pay another ten dollars and see it again. Here's hoping for more zombie movies that don't take themselves too seriously. The original and only good zombie movie ever made George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead, has been done, and redone again and again. We should all accept there will never be another as good as the original and stop making "serious" zombie movies. Take your cues from Zombieland, dead people who try and eat other people are funny. Make that work for you! So, scrounge up ten bucks, head down to your local theater and spend an hour and a half with Zombieland, I promise you will LOVE IT!

Let the Right One In (Directed by Tomas Alfredson) on dvd.

The review on the front of the dvd case states "Best. Vampire movie. Ever". They were not far off. Let the Right One In a movie based on the novel by John Lindqvist, who also handled screenwriting duty on the film, in a nutshell is a movie about a young boy in Sweden who is an outcast in every sense of the word. He's the prototypical wimp. Scrawny, long haired, soft spoken, well read, and all together a little on the introverted weirdo side of the coin. The boys name is Oskar, played exceptionally well by Kare Hedebrant, a product of a single parent household, and the constant brunt of bullies ire. He gets kicked around, humiliated on a daily basis, and is desperately trying to fit in somewhere it's likely he never will. Enter Eli. A young "girl", seemingly new in Oskar's neck of the woods, and even more mysterious than he. The bond between the two is strong even after the first meeting, but they are both so awkward with human contact it's almost heartbreaking to see them fumble around each other. Oskar soon finds something odd about the way Eli (played by an amazing young actress name Lina Leandersson) lives with a much older man. It's not hard to realize that Eli is a vampire, even before her first true feeding, but the story is much more than vampire sucks blood, can't go out in daylight, and has huge fangs that sprout like magic from her gums. It's a story about a friendship formed between the most unlikely pair. It's about the harsh reality of childhood. The every day struggle some children go through simply because they are different. Trust me, I have never had the urge to strangle a small child, but 30 minutes into this movie I wanted to reach into my television and murder the lead bully! The film was shot so beautifully, at times I forgot I was supposed to be watching a horror movie. The way the cinematographer captured the desolation and poverty, along with the bitter cold of Sweden was like adding another character to the film. Luckily, John Lindqvist stayed pretty faithful to his novel when adapting the story to film. Although there was much more back story to who Eli really is in the book, and there were a few more details left out of the movie, but it still worked to perfection. Of course, I wouldn't be me unless I said go out and buy the book and read it before you rent this movie. The book is better...as it is the majority of the time. Having said that, this movie is a MUST see! I will give you fair warning about the only issue I had with this movie. The English langauge dub is subpar. I'm not sure if it was the translation or maybe it was just done half-assed, but there are a few lines in the film that will make most English speaking people either laugh out loud(even though it's supposed to be serious) or scratch their head and wonder what the hell that meant. But, I am urging you to run to your video store and rent a copy of Let the Right One In, especially before the new "Americanized" version comes out next year. It is the 3rd greatest vampire movie ever made...you can ask what my 2 favorites are if you care to know. For now, spend your four dollars and rent a quality movie like this one, instead of some other garbage like Twilight. Enjoy.

Dispatch by Bentley Little

Let me start by professing my love for Bentley Little. He has been, is, and forever will be one of my favorite authors. My bookshelves are overrun with every book he has ever written, and I will continue to purchase anything and everything he publishes. Having said that, I just finished Dispatch, first printed in 2005, and to say the least I was torn. It starts out about a young boy named Jason who has an infatuation with writing letters to the pen pal assigned to him in junior high English. At first it's a healthy obsession, he enjoys writing, telling white lies to make himself appear more regal, and he also enjoys the way he turns his pen pal (Kyoko, a Japanese girl) into an obsessed lover who lives halfway around the globe. He begins to enjoy the feeling he gets when he receives a new letter in the mail. The spark that ignites every time he sits down to write invigorates him. Soon, he branches out into writing letters as a hobby. He fights city hall and the governor to keep his favorite Mexican food restaurant open, for example. When he gets results, he turns his attention to fast food joints, movie theaters, theme parks, etc, receiving free food, tickets, and lodging in return. The more power he gets from small time letter writing the more fuel he burns in an interest in bigger arenas. So, he starts to take on the government, the newspapers, the media, and even the president. Writing letters becomes his life, everything and everyone else becomes second. Slowly but surely his life spirals out of control. The idea of writing being "all important" really hit a nerve with me, but I'm not sure it would with people who don't have the urge to write. Sure, you can substitute his addiction to letter writing with whatever you may be addicted to and connect on that level (read it and let me know how that turns out). I have been a fan of Little for longer than I can remember, and I LOVE most of his books. Hell, I damn near love ALL of them. Let's just say I haven't read a book he's written and felt robbed of my time. Yet, Dispatch is easily my least favorite to date. The story is great, man finds hobby, hobby turns to addiction, addiction turns all consuming, man wonders if he can change the world with his writing, man finds out there is more to Letter Writing than meets the eye, man must take down "the Ultimate Letter Writer" to save the world. It's a great metaphor for "one man can change the world." But, a little over half way through the novel Little introduces new characters, who end up being famous people who are supposed to be dead? Start the confusion, for both Jason and the reader. Jason goes on a binge of self doubt... "who am I?" "where did I come from?" etc etc. Not to mention the final "monster" at the end of the novel was so outrageous, I actually chuckled to myself, even when the mood suggested somber, life changing events. To quote the book "he's put himself into these letters, I realized. Not just figuratively, but literally. It was absurd but true, and somehow the damage I did to the letters was transmitted instantly to him." I couldn't have hit the nail more on the head...it was absurd. Although I enjoyed the book, more than most other horror books in fact, I am a bit jaded when it comes to Bentley Little. I have read so many of his GREAT books, that even the good ones (like Dispatch) just seem awful in comparison. If you are a first time reader of all things Little, pick up Dispatch, you will not be disappointed. It is full of great metaphors, amazing twists and turns, and some of the creepiest stalker letters I've ever read. I'll leave you with this...even Bentley Little's "bad stuff" is a thousand times better than most other authors "great stuff." Enjoy.

Inside (Directed by Alexandre Bustillo) on dvd.

I was thinking extra hard about which movie I should use for my first official "horror movie review." It had to be something that could summarize the type of horror movie I enjoy, without being an overly Hollywood "blockbuster," which can be hit or miss (mostly miss). So, I thought, what better movie than the French import Inside? My first experience with said movie, out under Dimension Extreme, came back in April of 2008 when I picked it up by accident at my local video store. After reading the summary, looking at the still shots, I decided why the hell not! Needless to say, I was enthralled by this film. My wife and I had blown up the air mattress, popped some microwave popcorn and settled in on the floor in our living room, then hardly breathed for 82 minutes. It was a gut punch from out of nowhere. The movie is in French with English subtitles, which can sometimes take away from the movie-viewer connection, but with this movie the foreign language just adds to the feeling of utter hopelessness. Starring Beatrice Dalle (who should have won an award for most psychotic person ever captured on film), as a suspicious intruder at the home of a young pregnant woman played by Alysson Paradis (younger sister of Vanessa Paradis aka Mrs. Johnny Depp). What starts out as a possible burglar trying to take advantage of a single woman home alone, quickly turns into a nightmare of bloody violence that spirals out of control until the final scenes which were some of the most gruesome I have ever seen (and I've seen A LOT!). There is a much deeper story involved, amidst the death and dismemberment, but I don't want to give anything away. My only recommendation if you plan on renting Inside, if you are pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or have been pregnant within the last six months, DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE! Wait until you have no ties to anyone pregnant, you will thank me later. When you do go out and pick this movie up, which I highly suggest, be prepared for a relentlessly violent, emotionally scarring, gut wrenching, gore soaked glimpse into a woman's life that you will be thanking God when it's over for sparing you the horrors she had to face. When it comes to horror movies (which to me should be about hopelessness, blood, and unhappy endings) it doesn't get much better than Alexandre Bustillo's Inside.

Far Dark Fields by Gary A. Braunbeck

Over the years, through Braunbeck's writing, I have become an honorary member of the Cedar Hill community. It started with Graveyard People: The Collected Cedar Hill Stories, Volume 1, Home Before Dark: The Collected Cedar Hill Stories, Volume 2, then moved to Mr. Hands, and Coffin County. Now the saga continues in Braunbeck's new work Far Dark Fields. At face value, it's a story about a seemingly ordinary man. An English teacher who has dreams of writing a book of short stories. It's a story about a husband and father, tortured by far too tactile nightmares. A man who until recently believed he was someone else, but in reality his past is tied to the most horrific murder spree in U.S. history. If you delve deeper into the Cedar Hill saga(I suggest reading the other four works before jumping head first into this one), you'll come to terms with the idea that "This is Cedar Hill, weird shit happens here. Get used to it."
I could easily rant and rave about all five of the Cedar Hill stories, but I won't! Instead, I will give you my opinion about Far Dark Fields, without relating it to any of the others. Braunbeck is a master at character development. It makes no difference if the character is the narrator or just a fry cook in a diner with one line of dialogue. The way he paints the picture of everyday life gone completely haywire, you tend to understand the pain these minimal characters are going through. From the first page, I felt an innate sense of brotherhood with the title character Geoff. He's a hard working English teacher, collecting his own short stories to send to a publisher, who is haunted by nightmares of a past he never knew he had. He is a man looking for answers to questions he doesn't understand, to fulfill a soul only half full. The book was great! Braunbeck has a knack for taking almost silly monsters and ideas and making them not only believable, but real. I have to admit, it does take a few pages to get into the actual story. But, the opening chapters are necessary to understand where you're going and where you've been. I was also a bit skeptical when I was about 30 pages from the end, feeling like I just got fully involved with the storyline, how can it end so soon?! Trust me...keep moving along. For fans of the Cedar Hill saga, or fans of good horror, you will not be disappointed with Far Dark Fields! Here's to hoping for yet another chance to revisit my second hometown, Cedar Hill, Ohio.

Boy's Life by Robert R. McCammon

Hands and feet down one of the greatest novels ever written! Sure it was first published in 1992, and the character in the book was born six years before my mother, but that doesn't matter. It's a story about growing up. Being a boy, whether it be in the 60's or today, means living hard, fast, and learning from your mistakes. It's a book about friends, family, bonds, and heartbreak. It's about the South in a time when the color of your skin meant more than the content of your soul. Yes, I agree, it may not be the perfect read for a woman, don't get me wrong a woman has every right to read it, but it speaks to the boy inside every man. A time when you still believed in the magic of every day life. Every movie you saw became a reality when you tucked yourself into bed and shut off the lights. When making friends came as easy as breathing, and losing them was the toughest burden to bear. It's a story about a boy and his dreams, both big and small. About a family on the verge of losing everything. A story about the true meaning of friends and enemies. About a time when boys could fly, when the power of thought could change the definition of life and death, and the strongest shoulders to lean on may come in the unlikliest of forms. I am urging every man born from 1940 to 1995 to head to your local bookstore, pick up a copy of Boy's Life by Robert R. McCammon and do yourself a favor by losing yourself in the childhood you left behind. You will not regret it. You may be asking, what does this book have to do with horror? A good question. This is the 3rd novel I have read by McCammon, and the first that wasn't outright "horror". Yet, the mood, the setting, the characters, and their deeds, make for some very real chills. To me, McCammon is the master at capturing human emotion and dialogue. Every word uttered, every emotion felt by his characters will have you whisked away to a point in your life where you felt that same feeling. I've read all the classics, I have most of them on my bookshelves in my office, yet this book has firmly claimed its spot in my top three novels ever written. Pick it up, find a comfortable chair, turn on your reading light, and dive deep into your past. Enjoy.

Info about my blog

This being my first time "blogging", I thought I'd give some insight to how I have come to the here and now. First, I am a writer. Everything I do in life is to make me a better writer. I eat, sleep, dream, and breathe writing. Second, I just recently hit rock bottom, and writing is the culprit...or should I say not writing is the culprit. I have been stuck in a writers block from beyond Hell! So, my wife suggested I start a blog to keep the creative juices flowing, then maybe one day I can write that book I've been working on for 12 years, move her into the home of her dreams, and we can live happily ever after...blah blah blah. So, here I am starting my own blog. I'm gonna keep this blog as impersonal as possible(this post being the exception), and focus solely on giving my ideas and insight on two things I LOVE. Horror movies and horror novels. I don't expect everyone to love every book I write a blog about, or run out and buy tickets(or rent the dvd) of every movie I rant about. These are simply my humble opinions, take them with a grain of salt, hang on every word, or just hate everything I have to say. Just read it. Maybe you'll be surprised, see a movie you had no desire to see, or pick up a book you'd never read. Broaden your horizons, life is too short to never try anything new. Enjoy. My first post will come shortly, I know you'll be waiting with eager anticipation(note the sarcasm). Until then...

P.S. I am not really into the whole "latest and greatest" nonsense, so if you are reading my blog and are seriously emotionally damaged that I didn't run out and see Saw VI the day it came out, or I didn't buy the new Stephen King masterpiece that just hit shelves, get over it. I may write a blog about a book that came out in 1975, which I just picked up for the first time, or rave about a movie I saw 20 years ago, and rented again for kicks. There is no rhyme or reason behind the order of my blog. Just check back everyday, see something new, and then get back to doing something more productive. Thank you. Goodnight.